'AND I ASK MYSELF, HOW DID I GET HERE?'

 Over the years, I have struggled to find meaning in my work and have questioned whether I am in the wrong role, the wrong company, or the wrong career altogether. More than 30 years ago, I began a journey of self-exploration with a therapist who opened the door for me to question who I had always thought I was and wanted to be. I realized I didn't know myself. In addition to weekly sessions, I began reading a number of psychology anthologies and works by various theorists and practitioners. This led me to obtain a masters in social work with the goal of eventually going into private practice - to help others as I was being helped. While I was in graduate school, and for several years afterwards, I had a part-time job at a law firm where I processed information into databases. I needed the money. I was working 2 or 3 jobs to make ends meet and was not enjoying the kinds of social work jobs I could get, nor could I afford to go to a psychotherapy institute or back to school for an additional degree. After a particularly draining and dangerous encounter with a homeless client, I just couldn't continue. I quit that job and asked my law firm boss for more hours while I figured out my next move. She encouraged me to consider a full-time job in the litigation/legal technology space, where I had, by then, gained more than 5 years of experience. It seemed like a way to provide a more stable financial situation for myself, and possibly allow me to begin building a practice on the side. And so in the late '90s, I embarked on a path in electronic discovery and legal technology. It wasn't easy. I very quickly began working 40-60 hours a week, which didn't leave me the time or mental space to pursue a second career. I have been down-sized twice, and have moved between law firms, service providers and in-house roles, several times taking a job because I needed a job and not necessarily because I really wanted that job.  And I advanced into more senior roles, with greater responsibilities and stressors. I've made many friends and worked with and for some decent, and some not so great, people. I've seen the political players, the strivers and climbers, the sneaky, attention-grabbers, and the colleagues who want credit for showing up. Along the way, I have experienced overt and subtle sexism, micro-aggressions, bullying and humiliation.   As a woman in what is still a male-dominant workplace, I have first-hand experience trying to hold my own, maintain a sense of integrity and excel in spite of the challenges I've faced. I sometimes wonder how my career might have progressed if I was a man; would my "directness" be an asset rather than a criticism? One of my personality traits is that I'm fairly non-confrontational and self-protective. This stems from my family dynamics and is one of many insights I've gained. But it's not necessarily a helpful characteristic in the workplace where I have been told I seem to be holding back or indecisive. It's hard to take a strong position on the one hand, and be told that I come on too strong on the other hand. Trying to make sense of such contradictory messages is a challenge, and it's incredibly hard work to find a balance that feels authentic.​And then, there's life.  As I moved from my 30s into my 40s, I had my share of romantic relationships and heartbreaks. Being single in New York City is not all fun and games, despite the narrative "Sex and the City" portrayed.  So this is why I started a coaching practice, to help others address situations in their work or personal life where they may feel stuck or are questioning the path they are on. I draw upon 30+ years of work and life experiences and the wisdom and self-awareness I've developed through my own journey. By establishing a trusting relationship, and providing the emotional space for clients to share their struggles and dreams, I will help them see their world with greater clarity and make a difference in their lives.